


Shop Till You Drop (Your Pants)

by ceilingfan5



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Black Friday, Cheesy, Domestic, Fluff and Smut, Idiots in Love, Kissing, Lace Panties, Lingerie, Living Together, M/M, Neck Kissing, Panties, Porn with Feelings, Sappy, Sex, Shopping, Stripping, fantasy victoria's secret, not very explicit, soft and warm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-26
Updated: 2017-11-26
Packaged: 2019-02-07 01:19:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12830274
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ceilingfan5/pseuds/ceilingfan5
Summary: Taako spent the day with Lup and Barry shopping the hell out of Neverwinter's black Friday sales, and he brought home the goods to share with Kravitz. A strip tease fashion show ensues, of course, and there's no stopping that train once it pulls out of the station.





	Shop Till You Drop (Your Pants)

**Author's Note:**

> you know you've got it bad when you procrastinate writing taakitz by writing more taakitz....look out for a cheesy mall au coming...eventually! It's been a while since i've gotten nsfw so this is more cheesy romantic smut than anything, but i may eventually come out with something a little more explicit if there's an audience for that?
> 
> please leave a comment if you enjoy this! i eat them for power

“Babe! You missed the best shopping extravaganza ever!”

Kravitz lowers the cheesy tabloid he’s been searching for leads the second Taako comes home, but somehow, he already feels like he’s jumped into the middle of a conversation that started without him.

“You should have come! Fuck! It was perfect- people everywhere, I got recognized loads of times, of course, fist fights! Magic, absolutely, and the deals! Gods above, it was delicious!” He throws himself onto the couch with unrealistically deft aim and Kravitz does his best to catch with welcoming arms instead of knees to the skull. Taako sighs with some kind of relief and delight and exhaustion and leaves Kravitz to continue the one-sided mess of a dialogue. 

“Well, tell me about it. Where all did you go? I wasn’t aware Neverwinter had a lot of Black Friday events.”

“Not as many as there should have been, obviously, but they were everywhere! Ha! We had half a dozen fist fights with middle aged humans, just at the Fantasy Macy’s, and it’s closing! You won’t believe-” He squirms ridiculously to get comfortable on top of Kravitz’s unprompted body and toss his heels across the room, demanding nonverbally that he get cuddled to recharge his batteries, which has of late become a habit for him. Kravitz can’t say he’s done anything to stop him, because it’s honestly really nice to wrap his arms around Taako like he belongs there, even if he bitches about cold hands once in awhile. 

“I thought it already closed.” The tabloid disappears in favor of holding his boyfriend, a worthy trade off, and magic begins to deliver bag after bag to their living room. Kravitz thanks his lucky stars, not for the first time, that as much as he adores Taako, they don’t share a bank account. 

“No, but it was on its fucking way. One of the last in the area, seriously! I got all of these dorky ass faux furs and accessories and some excellent jewelry and the creepiest fucking mannequin, I’m going to put it in Magnus’s bed, can’t wait. We did that first, and then me and Lup and Barry went out for brunch and we had like ten strawberry margs between us, and they weren’t perfect but they did the fucking job, and then we went to the shitty mall and loaded up on Bath and Bodyworks-” 

“I can tell,” Kravitz murmured, soaking in the smell of him, all pumpkin spice and candlenights special, plus a little bit of strawberry tequila and a little bit of public physical violence which, he can’t lie, isn’t completely unpleasant. Even half-up in a messy bun, Taako’s hair cascades like a mythical waterfall, and Kravitz could never resist sticking his face right in. 

“And that was a fucking scene. More like Bloodbath and Bodyworks, right?” Kravitz snorts despite himself, tickling Taako’s neck and giving him the ego boost to go on. “And then we got some sick fucking boots, even Barold, if you believe that, though he spent most of the trip on his butt planning gods know what, which was hardly a surprise but like, seriously? Even if you hate shopping, and crowds, and lots of people who happen to be greedy violent assholes. How can you waste a day like today? ”

“Pretty easily, honestly.”

“Oh, shut the fuck up,” Taako says, not without affection. “Can you believe he bought overalls? Denim overalls? Out of all of the fucking things he could get his hands on, overalls? I about strangled him in the store. He’s lucky Lup has a thing for his ass. Which, believe me, is not an easy asset to show off in, again, overalls.” 

Kravitz does his best not to laugh like an asshole. 

“Did you get anything like that for yourself?”

“Fashion dumpsterville? No sir. But I did score some sweet things at the Fantasy Victoria’s Secret. If you’re interested.”

His grin, even on top of Kravitz where he can’t quite see, is audible and infectious. 

“Oh?” It takes all of his restraint not to say it with about seven syllables. 

“Yes indeedy.” Perhaps he’s still a bit tipsy, but he sits up and twists fast to see Kravitz’s face and test his reaction. “I can model them if you want.” It should be physically impossible for him to straddle Kravitz with such ease, especially when it takes his breath away like that. Kravitz shouldn’t have to breathe, but around Taako, he always finds himself struggling to. He soaks up all of the oxygen in the room and uses it to fuel his brightness, like some kind of brilliant opposite sun. 

“Be my guest,” Kravitz says, fully resigning his afternoon to this with no small satisfaction. Work can wait. According to Taako, this is a national retail holiday. How they celebrate it is up to them. 

Taako loves stripping, loves showing off, loves displaying his many, many purchases, so it takes a long time for him to even get started. Kravitz makes tea and waits for the signal, anticipation and affection growing ludicrously in his belly. He’s never known anyone as extravagant as Taako, and the bare fact that this is to impress him, to garner his attention, can barely sink in before Taako’s signature sexy playlist begins blasting in the living room and Kravitz is forced to return to watch the display he knows will only end in something messy. 

Taako, of course, starts with the most striking. A bright purple shawl, thick with inches of faux fur, floating right off his shoulders to display a lacy set of whatever the fuck those are called, and Kravitz is instantly glued. Taako has accessorized the lingerie with a tempting and confoundingly only inches long skirt, bedazzled to the gills and bouncing up every time he moves, and Taako winks and gestures for Krav to come closer, before wrapping the shawl around Kravitz’s neck and pulling him in to inspect Victoria’s handiwork on the molecular level. The tag is still on, something that shouldn’t be so inviting but honestly is, and before Kravitz can even reach for him, Taako is off of him and into the next outfit. 

This time, Taako is dripping with jewels, half of which were probably not even on sale, so to speak, but Kravitz is a bounty hunter and not a mall cop, so all it does is arouse him. How satisfying it would be to outfit Taako in diamonds himself, to spoil him even more rotten than he already is, to watch him get flustered when he senses that thick vein of serious affection Kravitz can’t hide. Because Taako is more than sexy and beautiful and clever and brilliant and horrifically talented, he’s wonderful and amazing and multi-dimensional, and anyone who could never see that is cordially invited to kiss his ass, as soon as Taako is finished with it. Which, judging by the gyrating hips, will be no time soon. 

Every thread of the lace glimmers and highlights Taako’s best attributes, draw lines from his hip bones down to the silvery thigh highs that Kravitz can’t resist following with his fingertips, and Taako chases that bliss and lets Kravitz interrupt the show to pull him onto his lap. Judging by the bags that keep appearing, there is plenty to go around, and the show can always have a sequel or seven. 

“See something you like, big guy?” Taako flickers his silver-tipped tongue in Kravitz’s direction and Krav’s resistance melts just like that. He’d really give Taako anything he wanted, and Taako knows that, and he revels in it just as much as he doubts it. 

“Yeah,” Kravitz mutters, his own tongue struggling to come up with something worth saying instead of what he really wants to be doing, because Taako enjoys foreplay more than anyone ought to, of course, until he’s had enough and just wants to get on with it. “But I don’t think it’s on sale.”

Taako laughs at him, really laughs at him, like it’s actually funny, or maybe Kravitz taking something serious again is just so funny, and instead of letting it wound his pride, Krav goes in for the kill and kisses the soft part of Taako’s neck like his life depends on it, enjoying the hell out of the way the laugh gets interrupted by a soft little moan and Taako grabs him by the dreadlocks to line their mouths up proper and take full advantage. Kravitz’s lips burn with the sheer, perfect warmth of Taako, the happiness and life just radiating from him, and even though his own lips have to be totally unsexy ice cubes despite him nursing hot tea to be ready for him coming home since about three pm, Taako pulls him even closer. His hand clenches even tighter in Kravitz’s hair, and he has no words of protest about the sharp tug against his ephemeral scalp, or the brilliant physical gasp of life when Taako’s other hand wanders down his spine and finds his ass, because even though Taako talks shit, his desires in life aren’t far from his sister’s. If only Kravitz had more to offer in that department, but he does his best, considering it’s damn hard to keep a physical form straight with an elf like Taako in your lap. 

“Feel-” Taako pushes out, before putting his tongue back to its skillful work pulling Kravitz apart at the physical seams, and presses Kravitz’s hands to the lingerie to appreciate the full scale of what he achieved in glorious battle all day. The panties cling with tenuous persistence, highlighting immodestly every asset Taako has to offer, every organic line and tantalizing glimpse, the teasing of the space between the silverpoint design as poisonous to his willpower as the flower’s real counterpart. How like Taako, flaunting, secretly, “look-but-don’t-touch,” and then pulling the hands himself to touch anyway. Kravitz could hardly contain a hungry moan, and as embarrassing as it felt, it sent a shudder right up Taako’s chilled spine. His hands were vicious, tearing Kravitz’s clothes open with no regard for the buttons or seams, which he would justify because technically he could fix them, although he probably would put it off and seem to forget about it, either out of laziness or sheer satisfaction of watching Kravitz walk around with his chest bared because none of his fucking shirts would close anymore. Maybe he should have gone shopping with Taako.

Then again, if he had, he wouldn’t still have the stamina to flip them and land Taako under him with perfect ease, knocking the air right out of him in a stunned, hungry gasp, and sparking something aching in his glittering eyes. 

“Should we?”

“What have I fucking told you about hesitating?” Taako wheezes out, casting the necessary preparation cantrip with a shimmering, practiced wave of his fingers and an aroused impulse movement he can’t disguise. Kravitz nods like, oh, perhaps this time he will remember that, even though he knows he will never, ever do anything without some explicit consent, and even through his frustration, he hopes Taako feels that too. They don’t have to have a lengthy discussion about it, but the permission will never not be necessary.

Taako narrows his eyes and does another little wave and Kravitz’s clothes are gone, either out of revenge or impatience, and Kravitz is relieved he can’t do a lot more without a wand, because then things would get messy. Messier. 

“You’re beautiful-” he manages to get out, before Taako wraps his legs around Kravitz’s torso and brings him in like an experienced wrestler. Today appears to be the wrong time for procrastinating, but Kravitz is a dork to the grave and beyond, so he continues to milk it between kisses on Taako’s bare, soft and scarred skin, leaving compliments and odes like he’s got all the time in the world to watch him squirm. That was his fault for choosing underwear that rub. 

They really do, too, Kravitz notes when he nuzzles his nose right up against them, acknowledging the wetness and enjoying it. It’d be easy to get carpet burn on his face, if that were something he had to worry about. But it isn’t, and he teases Taako extensively with it, probing his tongue against sensitive spots between the flowers and ruining any chance Taako had of returning the panties. Kravitz would pay for them himself, if he had to, given the perfect picture Taako makes in them. The color suits him, the combo of delicate lace and the threat of the silverpoint pattern, not to mention the thinness of the fabric in the choicest parts and the way it moves to the side so delicately with so little movement on Kravitz’s part and then Taako is yanking on his hair again, in love with the show only while he’s holding the cards and impatient for sensation. Kravitz almost wishes he were wearing something just as complicated and tempting. Maybe Taako shopped for him, too. That’s worth looking into for next time. 

“Get the fuck on with it, you sap-” Taako growls, interrupted by a whine of feeling as Kravitz finally pulls them down and gives him an appreciative squeeze. But if Taako wants some business, he’ll get the business, and Kravitz works the couch to give him a useful angle, spreading Taako apart like some kind of beautiful food simile Taako would have a better time coming up with, because as much of a dork as he is, none of his poetry was ever destined to see the light of day, and it’s going to stay that way. Romantic even so, Kravitz steals more kisses than he can carry before finally, finally carrying on, pushing into Taako like he really had been waiting all day for him to come home. 

The moment of contact was electric, magical, probably literally, as Taako wound his hands in his hair and moaned like an animal, their apartment thankfully thick-walled enough to echo back at them instead of making this a voyeur's opportunity. It rings in Kravitz’s ears and jostles his confidence, melting him back into embarrassingly in love with no effort at all.

“I mean it- You’re beautiful, Taako- You’re perfect-” Kravitz still couldn’t help being cheesy, even now, even when or maybe because of how hard Taako blushed, how much his long, fantastic ears swiveled, not to mention the wonderful elvyn noise he made in the back of his throat that he couldn’t quite control, especially not when he got broken apart at the atomic level.

“Sap-” he squeezes out again despite himself, grinding his hips against Kravitz with loving enthusiasm beyond simple pleasure. Which was pretty good on its own, to be honest. He shifted positions, sneaking closer for friction and sweet kisses and purchase to dig his long nails into Kravitz’s bare back and wail to his heart’s content, getting more than his fair share of enjoyment out of his purchase even now that they hung melodramatically off one of his ankles, draped for effect over the back of the couch. 

Taako’s flesh was alive, so alive with magic that every part of Kravitz that touched him tingled with it too, spreading it up and down and around his circulatory system with Taako-like delight, bringing both of them closer and closer together until their noises met in unison and they felt each other together when they came apart, brilliant and destined to be and physical, real, present in the flesh and each other’s arms. 

Kravitz continued leaving brilliant spots on Taako’s skin with his mouth, delighting in the way his elvyn blood rushed to the surface at his command even as Taako shook and vibrated into individual elements under his attention. It was satisfying, so greatly satisfying to wait for his partner to come back to himself in his arms, like he belonged there, and to look at him and acknowledge that he’d accomplished all of this and was perfectly happy to do so again. 

“Go on,” Kravitz probes, thrilled at his ability to not sound winded or spent by even a fraction, at least not now while he still had some of his focus left, and Taako’s inevitable competitive irritation at that. “Tell me more about your day.” 

His eyes flicker back to the shiny bags piled up in the corners of the room, and misses Taako pulling his face right back for another deep kiss. 

“As I was saying,” Taako says, with some indignation, but not enough to be realistic. “After Fantasy Victoria’s Secret, we went to the best intimates shop...”

**Author's Note:**

> leave a comment to let me know your deepest, gayest feelings (or just a little bit of screaming). look forward to my other stuff and catch me on twitter (@ceilingfan_5, which is unlocked for rn) or discord (ceilingfan5#5613). I'm also looking for a new beta since my fav is swamped at the moment, so if you're interested in previewing all my shit and having primo access to requests, let me know. <3


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